Taking an Honest Look at Your Role in Your Own Suffering

One of the hardest parts of the healing journey to self-forgiveness is taking an honest look at the role you play in your own suffering. Let’s face it: when you’ve been through something tough, or even traumatic, the path to healing can feel like a long, winding road with no end in sight. But here’s the thing—whether to stay stuck or to move forward is a choice. If you want to see a different life, you have to be willing to do something different. And that starts with looking in the mirror and taking an honest look at how you might be contributing to your own pain.

Forgiveness is the key

It might feel overwhelming at first, but a great place to start is with forgiveness—especially forgiving yourself. You may not have been the original person who hurt you, and that’s important to acknowledge. But over time, in trying to protect yourself, you might have picked up a few habits that are now keeping you stuck. Let’s be clear: you didn’t do anything wrong, but it’s so easy to blame ourselves for getting into a mess or even for creating it. Forgiveness is always a good place to begin, and it can be as simple as asking God to help you write down all the things you need forgiveness for. You might be surprised at how freeing it can be!

Blame: The Blame Game

Ever find yourself blaming others for your circumstances? Maybe it’s the boss who didn’t recognize your potential, or the friend who let you down, or even that slow driver who made you late to your important meeting. While it might feel good in the moment to point the finger, blame is like a boomerang—it always comes back around. In reality, holding onto blame often keeps you stuck in a cycle of resentment and frustration.

Instead of blaming others, what if you paused and considered how holding onto that blame might be adding to your own suffering? Maybe it’s time to hand that over to God and let Him help you release it.

Denial: The ‘I’m Fine’ Facade

How many times have you said, “I’m fine,” when you’re anything but? Denial can be a powerful coping mechanism, and sometimes it feels easier to pretend that everything is okay. But deep down, you know that avoiding the truth only prolongs the healing process. Denial is like putting a bandage on a wound that needs stitches—it might cover it up for a while, but it’s not going to help you heal in the long run.

Next time you’re tempted to say, “I’m fine,” try being honest with yourself instead. What are you really feeling? Acknowledging your emotions is the first step toward healing. Read this post or listen to the podcast about emotional rest and how to acknowledge your emotions here.

Avoidance: The Art of Dodging the Tough Stuff

Have you ever found yourself binge-watching Netflix or scrolling through social media just to avoid dealing with something difficult? Avoidance might feel like a quick fix, but it’s like sweeping dirt under the rug—it’s still there, even if you can’t see it. Eventually, that pile is going to trip you up.

The next time you catch yourself avoiding something important, try taking a small step toward addressing it. It could be as simple as writing down what’s bothering you or talking it out with a trusted friend. Remember, avoiding the issue won’t make it go away, but facing it head-on can bring you closer to the freedom you desire.

Unproductive Thoughts: The Loop of Negativity

Negative thoughts can be like that annoying song you can’t get out of your head—they just keep playing on repeat. Whether it’s thinking you’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough, these unproductive thoughts can create a loop of negativity that’s hard to break free from.

Instead of letting those thoughts take over, try to counteract them with truth. What does God say about you? That you are fearfully and wonderfully made, loved beyond measure, and equipped for every good work. Let those truths replace the negative loop and start building you up instead of tearing you down.

You might find this podcast episode helpful: Get Your Next Big Win With This Small Change

Self-Sabotage: Tripping Yourself Up

Self-sabotage can be sneaky. Maybe it’s procrastination, perfectionism, or setting unrealistic expectations for yourself—whatever it looks like, it’s a way of holding yourself back. It’s like setting up hurdles in your own race and then wondering why you’re not making any progress.

If you catch yourself in a pattern of self-sabotage, pause and ask yourself why. Are you afraid of failure? Or maybe even afraid of success? Whatever it is, recognize that these behaviors are often just a way of protecting yourself from something you fear. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to protect yourself anymore. God is your protector, and He is more than able to help you overcome those fears.

Hiding Your True Self & Silencing Your Inner Voice

Do you ever feel like you’re not showing up as your true self? Maybe you’re afraid that if people really knew you, they wouldn’t like what they see. So, you hide parts of yourself or keep your inner voice quiet, hoping to fit in or avoid conflict. But here’s the thing—hiding your true self only leads to more suffering. It’s like trying to fit into a pair of shoes that are two sizes too small—it’s uncomfortable and unsustainable.

What if you allowed yourself to show up as the person God created you to be? What if you let your inner voice speak up, knowing that your true self is worth being seen and heard? It might feel scary at first, but it’s a crucial step in your healing journey.

Not Setting Boundaries: The People-Pleaser Trap

If you’re someone who struggles with setting boundaries, you’re not alone. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of people-pleasing, saying yes when you really mean no, and stretching yourself too thin in the process. But when you don’t set boundaries, you’re essentially giving others the power to control your time, energy, and well-being.

Setting boundaries is not only healthy; it’s necessary for your healing. It’s like putting up a fence around your garden to protect it from being trampled. You get to decide what comes in and what stays out. And guess what? It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

The Bottom Line: Choosing to Heal

The journey to healing is not easy, but it’s so worth it. It starts with making the choice to do something different and being willing to take an honest look at the role you play in your own suffering. Remember, it’s not about blaming yourself—it’s about taking responsibility for your own healing. And that begins with forgiveness, both for yourself and others.

So today, take a moment to look in the mirror, ask God for guidance, and start the journey toward healing for self-forgiveness with grace and compassion for yourself. You’ve got this!