My nutritionist had me start testing my glucose levels so we can work out a plan for weight loss. I am not diabetic, but it’s coming if I don’t change things. My first reading this morning my glucose level was way above normal. It was normal this afternoon & after dinner but this morning got me worried. I know that there’s work to be done.

I would love to say that I’m shocked but honestly I’m not. I’m sad, I’m angry and I’m embarrassed, but not shocked.

It’s embarrassing to carry your shame on the outside where everyone can see it. 

I know that it is deeper than pounds & I am more than my pounds too, but behind it all there is deep shame that I’ve tried to hide behind for many years. In the process, my health has been paying the price. But I also know that God didn’t give me a spirit of fear…or a spirit of shame.

For years I’ve battled with my weight. I’ve lost & regained & lost again. Every time I fail, my self-worth & self-trust decline. The battle has tripped me up so much that it has kept me from being all of who God has called me to be.

But grace.

The Word says “My grace is sufficient for you, My power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Today I’m on my knees, laying it all at the foot of the cross knowing that in my weakness, I am strong. It’s in His strength, not in mine. 

I’m sharing not just for accountability but also to say that if you’re in the same place, know that you are not alone. I know weight isn’t always about shame but in my case, I think it’s a big piece. I have other health issues as well & there’s shame there too. Lies that the enemy told me enough times that I began to not only believe them but started reciting back to myself.

So, beginning the process of reciting Truth in place of the lies & taking the control back. It will be a process but it will be good.