In spite of the fact that many of the names seem so strange and unpronounceable to us, one thing stands out very clearly. In the 7 years that David lived in Hebron, he fathered six sons by six different women! Yikes! Its almost like hes desperate to make up for all the years of struggle and deprivation, when he couldnt really live normally. He couldnt settle down in one place long enough to build a life and a family. This is a man who is starved for the things that other men take for grantedto simply have a family to call his own. However, in making choices that are rooted in those years of being deprived, he is not making healthy choices. Its somewhat like a starving man who eats to gorge himself and in so doing harms himself instead of nourishing himself.

That is the key to what we need to see here. When we try to fill an emptiness, which was born out of unmet desires or needs of a different season, we are motivated by a deprivation mentality. Having been deprived of a family to raise and call his own, David tries to fill that need the same way a starving man attacks food. Sadly, though, the emptiness doesnt go awayno matter how much the circumstances change. The exile and the need to live so abnormally is gone, but the emptiness caused by the deprivation is still deeply embedded in Davids soul. Its a bit like a person who went through a period of time of going to bed hungry, afraid that the hunger would eventually be the death of him. Then, in another season, this same person now lives a stable life where hunger is no longer a threat, at least outwardly. However, because the threat was deeply established in the persons soul, the threat is still there. So, this person eats like he or she is threatened by starvation. In so doing, he or she always overeats, never really feeling satisfied by the food. No amount of food can establish a sense of being well-fed, unless the deprivation mentality is erased from the soul.

In Davids case, this shows itself in relationships. He is definitely gorging himself! However, its pretty clear that hes not feeling satisfied with a wife and a child, the emergence of family. Instead, he almost feverishly tries to erase that inner sense of deprivation from all those year in exile. Unfortunately, even though David is gorging himself on the opportunity to have the intimacy of family, hes not really cultivating relationship with any of them. Relationship requires a mutual giving and receiving, primarily a giving and receiving in the form of building a bridge over which our humanity travels back and forth to connect with each other. Thats where the nourishment of relationship is foundin connection. If there is no real connection, there is no nourishment and the relationship feels less than satisfying. In healthy relationships, there is mutual nourishment. In unhealthy relationship, the need to fill an emptiness prevents the connection that would actually nourish and bring joy and satisfaction.

These six sons of Davids, the fruit of his passion to get what has been withheld from him, will ultimately bring him much anguish in later years, the years when he is fully established in Jerusalem. Here is a key part of the revelation that the Lord gave me about all of this. BecauseDuring this season that will long remain in our memories as the season of the pandemicthe masksthe restrictionsthose lost to covid, I have become increasingly aware of a vague dissatisfaction in almost everyone with whom I have talked. This vague dissatisfaction goes beyond all the explainable reasons, and seems to come into focus best when described as a deep sense of being deprived circumstances are often the result of what is going on inside of uswe make the mistake of trying to arrange our circumstances in order to make us feel good inside. However, that simply does not work in the long-term. The truth is that we must get the inside of us to look the way wed like our circumstances to look. For example, we have to want what we want for wholesome, healthy reasons, otherwise, we will never really get what we want because we will mistake gorging for eating. And nothing will ever be enough.

Ultimately, in Davids case, six wives and six sonssix familiesis still not enough. He wants Michal back, the wife of his youth that Saul gave to another man. The scripture says, So David sent messengers to Ishbosheth, Sauls son, saying, Give me my wife Michal, whom I betrothed to myself for a hundred foreskins of the Philistines. 2Sam. 3:14, NKJV

This shows where the seed of Davids insatiable appetite was sown, when Saul manipulated him using Michal, bringing him great pain and shame. So, David assumes that demanding Michal back will restore what he lost. But it doesnt work that way because, even though he gets Michal back, his relational hunger is still not met because the wound that is driving the hunger is not healed. In fact, if we follow David as he steps into the fulfillment of his destiny when he takes the throne over all Israel in Jerusalem, we see that hunger is still eating him. Ultimately, it drives him into lust for another mans wife, Bathsheba. I dont believe that his adultery with Bathsheba was about her beauty, neither was it about David being in the wrong place at the wrong time to see her bathing. It was about his insatiable hunger, born of a deep unhealed wound in his soul!

In total, the Bible lists twenty sons and one daughter born of Davids eight wives. The additional children who were born of his concubines are not named in scripture. My point is that though David had eight personal families, his relational connection to them was the thing he desired the most and the thing that eluded him, because he did not understand his own deprivation mentality.

A peek into Davids future to see how this affected his personal life all the while he was fulfilling his destiny as King of Israel. Instead of the fulfillment and joy of family, the scripture records that David was continually plagued by the pain and anguish of fragmented loyaltiessons vying for his power, his crown and his attentioneven to bloodshed and death. Amnon, Davids firstborn, lusted for Tamar his half-sister and ultimately raped her. Absolom, Tamars full brother, Davids third son, murdered Amnon in revenge of the rape. As a result, Absoloms was banished from Davids presence for years before he was finally pardoned. It was Absolom who headed a conspiracy to seize Davids throne, causing David to have to flee Jerusalem. Ultimately, Absaloms coup fails and he is defeated by Davids forces, but he is killed in the process. Adonijah, his fourth son, eventually rose up to try to seize the throne also. I could go on and on through all the details of the relational difficulties David had, but the point is already made. More is not always better, neither is bigger always better.

So, what about us? What about this season of restrictions and the vague sense of lack of well-being that many are suffering? I truly believe that the Lord wants us to see what is going on in our own responses, beyond the obvious things that characterize this season. In His beautiful care for us, He doesnt want us scarred by this in our souls. We dont have to come out of this season with a deprivation mentality that drives us to continually try to fill a sense of emptiness that is no longer there circumstantially but is nevertheless within us.

How do we avoid it? First, we need to honestly assess what it is that has been taken away or withheld from us. This is not about blaming anybody or feeding anger or resentment. It is about recognizing what our souls are really longing for. If we dont recognize this, we are doomed to search and search for a well-being that will elude us just as it eluded David. I certainly dont want to go into the next season, bringing this vague sense of loss and deprivation with me!